5 Things You Can Do When You Let Self-Judgment Go

“You’re not the judge of your content, the market is.”

These words were said to me last week and I’ve been thinking about them ever since. 

You see, in my job I write content every day; blogs, webinars, training programs, social media posts, keynote presentations and the list goes on. I’ve been doing this gig for a little while now, but I still find myself hindered at times by my own harsh judgement of my ideas and thoughts. 

I’m sure all of us can admit to participating in self-judgment at least to some extent. Self-judgement comes from our internal messages based on our past experience and our history. It impacts the way we view ourselves and unfortunately, our self-judgment can often have a negative, harsh and over critical voice; our inner-critic. 

Have you ever allowed this negative self-judgment to impact your influence as a leader? Have you ever been in a meeting before, and you've got a question you’d like to ask or a comment you want to contribute but before you open your mouth to speak, you’ve heard “Just be quiet, that’s a stupid question, no one wants to hear your opinion.” 

Maybe you've thought about writing something like a blog or an article and again all you hear is “Who are you to be writing something like that? Who's going to read it? Best not to do anything at all." 

It’s our self-judgment hard at work. It stops us from sharing our thoughts and ideas. It stops us from stepping outside of our comfort zone and taking a risk. 

If we can let go of our critical self-judgement we can:

• Follow our passion

• Make a more meaningful contribution

• Grow and learn

• Be Creative

• Be Vulnerable

So how can we deal with this self-judgment?

Let’s think about self-judgment as being like a knock at your front door.

1. Firstly, you become aware that someone is at your front door. So, what does it sound like? It might be a small knock, or it might be someone ringing the doorbell incessantly. What does it feel like when you hear this? Maybe there's a tightness in your chest, maybe your breath quickens. What are the sensations you feel? What are the red flags when self-judgment comes knocking?

2. Secondly, acknowledge it and answer the door by opening it up slightly. Leave the door ajar and see who’s there. Often there are two people, your inner critic standing at the front, taking up the most room, being very assertive and then there’s your inner cheerleader, standing patiently at the back waiting to be heard. 

3. Only let in your inner cheerleader, that part of your self-judgment that is positive, encouraging, wise, loving and respectful. Then quickly shut the door. 

As you start to only let in through that front door, compassion and acceptance and self-belief, the script in your head will start to change. You'll find that your inner critic gets smaller, quieter and may stop showing up at your front door altogether. 

As a leader, there are so many people judging you, you don’t need to be one of them. It’s time to give yourself a break. It's about being kind to yourself in order to do the work you are meant to do. 

Leadership is about creating change and enabling growth. Don’t let your self-judgment hold you back from making your contribution. It’s important to have your cheerleader by your side.

Champagne and Sunshine,

Midja x