Why You Should Embrace Your Embarrassment
Do you look back on something you did maybe 1 or 2 years ago and feel embarrassed? Do you get that awkward, cringe-worthy feeling about something you might have said or done? If you have? Perfect!
This week I was mentoring a client for an upcoming presentation and I asked her about her past experience with public speaking. She got all embarrassed, looked at the floor and said that looking back, she felt really embarrassed by the last presentation she did. She told me a little about what happened; her nerves, her stumbles, her preparation. At the time she thought she did ok but in hindsight there was a lot of room for improvement.
As she’s sharing all of this with me, she’s shaking her head and being a little hard on herself. I’m just listening, smiling and thinking how wonderful.
The way I see it, if you look back on what you did in the past and cringe, it means you’ve grown and developed. And that’s something to be celebrated!
If you go through your whole life, with 2 thumbs up, with no embarrassing moments, with no self-talk of ‘jeez, what was I thinking?’, you’ve lived your whole life on the one level. You’ve plateaued. You haven’t challenged yourself or stepped out of your comfort zone. When you’re out there taking risks, you are bound to have embarrassing moments. It’s just part of the experience and a feeling to be embraced.
For example, I will be extremely disappointed with myself in 2 years’ time, I’m not embarrassed by this video because in 2 years, I want to be so much better at this than I am right now. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy about what I’m doing now and I’m doing my absolute best but I want to get better. This means that in 2 years, I want to be able to sit back and have a giggle at myself.
So, how do you turn embarrassment (which we often view as a negative) into a positive:
Connect your embarrassment with your amount of personal growth and development. Look how far you’ve come!
Remember what psychologists call the “spotlight effect”. You will always overestimate the extent to which your actions are noticed by others. You need to put your actions and their impact into perspective. You still remember the moment but who else does?
Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Keep things light and playful.
Share your embarrassing moments. They make the best stories. Researchers have found that people who display embarrassment are more prone to be liked, forgiven, and trusted than those who don’t. (Keltner and Anderson, 2000). As a leader, these stories will demonstrate humility, vulnerability and authenticity.
Finally, let the past go. You don’t have to keep replaying it over and over in your mind. Giggle at it, learn from it and then move forward. Focus on what next for you.
Life is about getting out there and doing your best right now, knowing that your best will keep getting better!
Midja x