Stop Expecting Others to Read Your Mind!
Do you expect people in your workplace to just know what you want?
Do you expect them to be highly competent at the well-known business skill of MIND READING?
I certainly have and it’s gotten me into a whole heap of trouble!
On the weekend, I caught up with an old colleague of mine who I worked with, more than 20 years ago. At the time, I expected to be promoted into a senior leadership role, however instead, this colleague was recruited to fill the position. I was angry, hurt and frustrated, and I made life really tough for her. Not my proudest moment. I expected her to know what was going on and how hurt I felt and why.
On the weekend, it was wonderful to sit down and clear the air. Of course, she had no idea about what the situation was before she started in the role. She didn’t know what conversations were had, and what was going through my mind at the time. She wasn’t a mind reader! (and neither are your work colleagues)
So, what happens when we fail to communicate exactly what we want?
We end up feeling frustrated, resentful, misunderstood, disappointed and stressed out. We don’t get the results we want and it damages our relationships in the workplace and our own personal reputation as well.
So why on earth do we do this? (I think there’s a few reasons)
Fear of conflict. We just don't want to raise the issue in case it leads to confrontation and disagreement. Best to just avoid it all together.
Difficulty articulating exactly what we want. We find it hard to articulate what's really going on inside us, particularly if it's a highly emotional issue.
Our own point of view seems so obvious and so right, that we just assume that the other person understands us but just doesn’t care.
We want to play the martyr. We sacrifice what we want, for others, to feel good about ourselves.
We want someone to blame when things go wrong. We don’t want to take responsibility.
These are all reasons to avoid communicating and just hope that the other person takes your subtle hints. Let me tell you now, they won’t!
As a confident leader, you need to stop expecting people to mind read and instead ask for what you really want, clearly and succinctly. Stop playing the martyr, stop dropping hints, and just be direct.
If you do this as a leader, you’ll build strong relationships with your people; trust in your team; and you’ll end up getting the results you want.
What a different outcome my colleague and I would have achieved, if I had been direct and openly communicated with her, all those years ago…..
Champagne and Sunshine,
Midja x