5 Things You Get When You Ask For Help
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been worried. The kind of worry that keeps you up at night and wakes you in the early hours of the morning.
Finally, on Friday night, I decided to pick up the phone and ask for help from a friend. It took a couple of text messages back and forth and a good dose of courage but I did it.
You see sometimes we can be very reluctant to ask for help. We can be embarrassed and feel like a failure. If you’re like me, you have this image of yourself as a strong, independent and capable leader but just because you’re all of those things doesn’t mean that you don’t need others nor does it mean that you should feel any less for putting up your hand and admitting you need help.
It’s a little like having the flare gun as a safety precaution in your boat. The flare gun is there for a reason. You shouldn’t wait until the boat is sinking and your head is just above the water, to discharge the flare. It’s too late then, you’re going under.
You need to recognise when you need help and have the courage to use your flare, ask for assistance and reach out to a trusted friend or colleague.
Does it feel scary to ask for help? Yes. Does it feel vulnerable? You bet. But if you continue to struggle with an issue, to worry about something and keep it inside of you, it will just get bigger. It will absolutely consume you.
For all of us, there are lots of moments when we’re not sure what we’re doing, when it feels like we're stumbling in the dark. In these moments, the secret is to know when to send up the flare and who to.
The fear of being vulnerable and being labelled as ‘soft’ or ‘weak’ as a leader can hold you back. You think people will think less of you and that you’re not coping in your role. You think that it will negatively impact your reputation and brand. However, US researcher and writer, Brene Brown has shared that the number one trust-earning behaviour at work is asking for help. So, it’s time to let go of the judgement we hold about reaching out to others and admit that we need their support.
Brene says, “Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”
This week I received with an open heart, knowing that in the future, maybe sometime soon, it will be my turn to give help to someone else. How cool!
You see, when you ask for help it:
Humanises you as a leader. You’re real and authentic. How refreshing.
Allows others to feel safe to ask for help too. You set the unwritten ground rules as the leader. If you can do it, then so can everyone else.
Creates a collaborative rather than competitive culture. It allows the egos to the left at the door. No one knows everything (not even the boss) and we all need help sometimes.
Allows you to learn and grow from others. You get to ask more questions, be open to advice and see your problem from a different perspective.
Most importantly, builds high trust relationships!
So, next time you feel overwhelmed and not sure what to do, remember three little words - Ask for help!
Happiest of Mondays,
Midja x